After 25 Years, A Calvinist Finds Peace
I am forwarding my testimony to you, as a wonderful proof of God's mercy and His wonderful grace to me.
I was born on 30/11/42, to an alcoholic father, and to an adulterous mother. My father was continually cruel to my mother, and he continually walked out on her. He walked out on my mother, for the last time, on 8/1/51, leaving her with six children to look after on her own, of whom I was the eldest.
My mother still remained adulterous after my father left us, and finally in 1953, my brothers, sisters, and myself, were placed in children's homes, then fostered out to people, who brought us up as their own children.
However. I have progressively found my mother, and most of my brothers and sisters, throughout the years since that time.
During 1995, I discovered that my mother had still been adulterous, after all of her children were taken from her, and four more children were born to her, who had two different fathers. Since 1995, one of these children (a girl), who with her twin brother was born on the day that I went to live with my foster parents, in the country, found me, then she found my mother. My new sister is a Christian.
My mother denied that she had any more children, and her denial, and her accusing me of being a liar, led to me having my fourth and final nervous break-down. This break-down became very severe.
I was hospitalised, was given electric shock treatment for a fourth night, then allowed to go home after four weeks. However, as soon as I arrived home, I attempted to commit suicide (self-murder), by taking an overdose of tranquiliser, and antidepressant tablets. I was diagnosed as a manic-depressive person, was hospitalised for the second time, then allowed to go home after another three weeks. I was placed on Lithium Carbonate tablets, for the rest of my life.
I knew that I let God and all of the people whom I loved down, particularly my dear wife and our two young children. I confessed this sin of attempted suicide to God, then I asked for His forgiveness. Then He forgave me, through the blood of His One and Only, His unique Son, Jesus Christ, my Lord and Saviour. Praise God!
During the evening of April the 23rd, 1972, my father-in-law, who was a Christian, died of cerebral hemorrhage of the brain. He was only 55 years old. I loved him dearly. He was a wonderful father figure to me. I missed him very much, so his passing left a huge gap in my life, even though my wife, who is a Christian, has made a tremendous impact on my life.
I knew that a Christian man lived in my street, who did not attend my church, but that he attended a Strict Baptist church. I belonged to the Baptist Church (Regular Baptist), so I felt quite comfortable in his presence. He had a wife and teen-age children. His wife suffered from quite severe depression.
We became firm friends. (He became my second father figure). He invited my wife and myself to attend an evening service at his church, then he lent me a book... which resulted in me becoming a staunch Post-millenialist, for 27 years, right up until I received 'The Believer's Conditional Security,' written by Dan Corner.
My 'friend' also gave me a copy of 'The Baptist Confession Of Faith, Of 1689'. I also purchased a book called 'The Puritan Hope', by Iain Murray, which was based on Post-milleniumism.
My Calvinist 'friend' told me, that he had a great news for me, that would help compensate for the loss of my beloved father-in-law. - God had chosen me before the foundation of the world, to believe on Jesus, and to be one of the number of people, who will go to Heaven, and then be with Him there forever. He also said, that everyone who is not a Christian, has been predestined by God, before the foundation of the world, to go to hell with Satan forever.
I was sorry for the people who would not be able to escape going to hell, but I knew that I must not question God. However, I really loved God, because I was one of His elect, His chosen people. I became, and remained a Calvinist, for over 25 years.
About five years ago, I began to question my Calvinistic beliefs, because I really felt that it was very unfair of God, to send people to hell, according to His will, honour, glory, and for His pleasure.
Recently, I have written a poem to this effect, entitled 'O God, You're Not Fair.'
O God, You're Not Fair.
1. O God, it's not fair, that through Your firm decree,
Many people should end up in hell.
O God, You're not fair, that Your actions should be
So directed to those who fell.
2. They had never a chance, to be saved by the blood
Of Jesus, my wonderful Lord.
They had never a chance, for their fate was decreed.
By Your precious unfailing Word.
3. O God, You're not fair, if this docrine is true,
Of election, as put forth by men.
But God, You are true, and this doctrine is false,
You wish no one should perish. Amen!
4. Persevere to the end, You're true Word so reads.
Our behaviour must be very pure.
Show faith by our works, and we sure will succeed.
Continually believe, and we'll be eternally secure.
I sincerely pray, that God will bring about a New Reformation, through the readers of Dan Corner's wonderful book, 'The Believer's Conditional Security,' applying the wonderful truths of O.S.N.A.S, (Once Saved, Not Always Saved), Conditional Eternal Security, Arminianism, and Wesleyan Arminianism. - The True Grace Gospel, Doctrine, and Teaching, that is, True Christianity, and speaking these wonderful truths to their friends, neighbours, and all in whom they come in contact.
May God bless you.
Testimonies of Changed Lives
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