I was raised in one of the most famous churches in America—Saddleback Church of Rick Warren which teaches the doctrine of eternal security. Being wrapped in this doctrine I had no fear of the Lord Jesus.
In Junior high I was diagnosed with O.C.D. (obsessive compulsive disorder)—basically, it’s demons mentally tormenting you. I had suffered from this for seven years, until I gave my life to Christ. When I entered high school, I already had built up hatred and so much hurt in my heart, where I got to the point I did not respect myself anymore. My Junior year, one morning I woke up with so much anxiety in my heart I ran down stairs sobbing. My mom tried to calm me down, but nothing worked. I did not know why I was so upset, but I did know I did not want to live anymore. Getting frustrated, I sent my mom to get something out of my car. When she left the room I ran to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of pills, and just remember looking at a handful of pills in one hand and holding a glass of water in the other and literally hearing a voice telling me to, “Just do it! If you do, all your troubles will go away.” So being convinced, I did it. The pills went down so smoothly. I then went to go sit on the couch, and my mom came back in and she just looked at me and knew. The first thing she asked me was, “What did you do?” At that moment I remember I had so much anger in my heart as I confessed to her. The next thing I knew I was in the ambulance being rushed to the hospital. A year and a half later, I surrendered my life to Jesus. I remember that day, the Lord had compassion on me and I strongly felt His presence and I just wept. I knew that I could not be lukewarm anymore. I was either for Him or against Him—His daughter or His enemy.
When I gave my life to God, He gave me a dream. I dreamed of this person that wanted to fight me because I came to the Lord. I told her that I did not want to fight. She persisted and suddenly everything turned dark around me and she turned into three demons (the demons that had tormented me growing up) and they were ready to fight. Then I saw the Lord standing right next to me, and He held out His hand and said to me, “Are you ready?” I grabbed onto His hand and answered “YES.” Those demons came at me trying to fight me, but all I did was just touch them one by one and they flew back until finally I beat them down to the ground. The Lord was telling me that I am set free and that no demons can touch me anymore. Writing that reminds me of passages in the Bible, that when Jesus had delivered people from demons He would tell them, “Now you have been healed, go and sin no more”- PRAISES TO JESUS!!! I truly praise the Lord for his mercy and grace that I did not die that day that I tried committing suicide, because I now know that I would be in hell regretting that day.
To those who believe in eternal security, I warn you ... cry out to God and ask Him for His truth. He is willing and wanting to tell you the truth. For years I was blinded until the Lord opened my eyes. He will do the same for anyone who seeks Him.
Proverbs 2:2-6 Incline your ear to wisdom, and apply your heart to understanding, yes, if you cry out for discernment, and lift up your voice for understanding, if you seek her as silver and search for her as for hidden treasures; then you will understand the fear of the Lord, and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.
Proverbs 3:13: Happy is the man who finds wisdom and gains understanding.
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