Adultery, Divorce
And An Illegitimate Marriage

Broken By My Wife's Adultery, Divorce and Remarriage


I would first explain my circumstances then ask your advice.

After 25 years of marriage my wife entered into a romance with my "best friend" who is a Deacon in the local First Baptist Church. Ten months later she told me she wanted a divorce "because she didn't love me." I refused to kick her out and tried for reconciliation and pleaded repeatedly with both of them to repent. A year later we called the two married daughters home and told them, their spouses and our to sons who are still in high school of what was going on. I was leading a weekly Bible study, and had been for a year, which included the other man, his pastor, my wife, and a close friend of my wife's. Four months later my wife moved out and left me and the children of the home. 2 1/2 years from the start of their relationship she divorced me. The pastor of First Baptist knew of the relationship for over a year at that time. She and the other man have now been "married" (4 months after the divorce) by that same pastor.

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The two married daughters told her last January that neither they nor their children will have anything to do with the other man. (My wife told the one daughter she was being unChristian and needed to get herself "right with God"). The older son, who still lives at home, also refuses to have anything to do with the other man and has almost no contact with his mother. The youngest has continued to have a relationship with his mother and thereby with the other man as well.

How am I supposed to relate to her at this time? I am still trying to live as a faithful Christian husband and father for my family. I can not stop loving her or give up on her anymore than Christ would stop loving or give up on me, but how do I go about encouraging my family to still love her without supporting her adulterous marriage. How do I help lead her and the other man to repentance? Looking for clues is how I found your site and an article entitled Divorce, Remarriage, and Adultery. Do you have any advice? Frankly, the Bible has been my guide but I've been unable to discern any guidance for where I and my family are now. I have nightmares of seeing her screaming as she's thrown into the lake of fire. My health has declined and the doctor has now put me on antidepressants so I can continue to function and provide for my sons. How do I keep their adultery from destroying me and my children?

[Bible Answer] Greetings in JESUS' holy name.

We're so sorry for the pain and suffering that you have experienced (and still are) from your wife leaving you. We'll share our thoughts, but first please know that MANY other people have gone through similar things as yourself ...

Now a few comments regarding your situation:

(1) Judgment Day is coming! Nobody's getting out of here alive. We will ALL stand before a holy God who hates sin and has the power to have souls cast into eternal fire. As for the Baptist deacon who "married" your wife, Jesus taught:

Mat 5:32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.
Hence, both your wife and former friend are described above.

(2) What will become of the sexually immoral? The Apostle Paul, the real grace teacher wrote:

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. (1 Cor. 6:9,10, NASB)
Their eternal future is described in Rev. 21:8:
"But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars--their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."
(3) How should real Christians treat ANY person who claims to be a Christian but is sexually immoral? According to Scripture, the answer is simple:
1 Cor 5:11 "But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat."
Hopefully such measures on the part of Christians to shun such people described above will bring them to repentance and salvation, but sometimes it doesn't since they can still rebel even at this point.

(4) The minister that "married" your wife to the deacon has aided their adultery. Hence, being the cause of another sinning would apply to him.

Mat 18:7 "Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!"
He too needs to repent and tell those two they are not really married in God's eyes, but are committing adultery. He needs to be thinking of his own Judgment Day before God more than what might happen here and now for speaking the truth of Scripture. But of course, he probably believes in the heresy of eternal security. This would mean both are still saved, even though they are now committing adultery in God's eyes.

(5) As for you, God didn't betray you, so don't turn from Him. He is still the same yesterday, today and forever. Think about the kingdom of God, living holy and bearing good fruit. Remember Rev. 21:1-8, especially v. 4. Try to help hurting people and this will refresh and help you in doing so. Stay in the Bible. Also, find a church that REJECTS the heresy of eternal security and is sound in doctrine. GOD BLESS YOU.


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