The Woes Of Sexual Sin (pdf)
(Bible Question about false guilt, sexual sin, etc.) Thank you for writing the alarming articles on lust, adultery and remarriage. These articles so clearly present the biblical truth that has unfortunately been so distorted by not only the world but also by the churches that even I as a ten-year Christian find many of your perspectives fresh and awakening. I have struggled with issues on fornication and lust and would like to humbly ask for your bible-based perspective, counsel and prayer.
My background: I am a single Christian girl who has never been married. Over seven years ago, when I was still a naive teenage nominal Christian who never studied the Bible, I fornicated with my first boyfriend, who is an unbeliever. I committed this sin with the naive hope that he and I will certainly become married to each other one day. After about fourteen months of sinful dating, he deserted me in spite of my every effort and desperate pleading to make the relationship work. I deeply and wholeheartedly repented and asked God for forgiveness for my fornication. With a renewed mind and strength given by God, I have strived to lead a Christian life and managed to stay away from fornication until this day. However, I have not stopped struggling with guilt and self-abasement, and feel that I have been living with a broken, injured soul ever since.
My questions: 1. First please reassure me that a fornicator is forgiven totally and completely when he repents, that his debt for the sin of fornication is removed, and then he will not be sent to hell on judgement day for the fornication.
2. Having read your "Divorce and remarriage" article and such scripture as Exodus 22:16, I get the impression that God essentially views two persons that have had sex with each other (and are each other's first partner) as one flesh, i.e. that they are necessarily each other's life-long partner in God's eyes. Is this the correct understanding? So in my case, does God already view my first boyfriend and I as one flesh? Am I still eligible for courtship and marriage with another man while my first boyfriend is still alive?
3. Please reassure me that there is no need for me to seek reconciliation/marriage with my first boyfriend.
4. Is my guilt a consequence of my sin that God expects me to live with? What can I do about it when it wears me down?
5. Heartbreak and low self-esteem are probably inevitable consequences of my sin. Does God expect me to live with a broken soul for the rest of my life? What can I do about this?
Moreover: I met a married man with whom I have recently cut off contact after much inner struggle. Although we did not engage in any sort of physical touching, we enjoyed mutual romantic feelings and each other's special attention. I indulged in his special courtesy and chivalry and in fantasies about being his beloved. It is after reading your article on lust that I realized that I have essentially committed adultery by biblical standard. Is this correct? I immediately repented before God and prayed for His (and his) forgiveness but still feel guilty and heartbroken. Please pray for me! Thank you,
(Bible Answer) Greetings in Jesus’ name. We are very sorry for the painful past and your current situation. The Biblical evidence shows fornicators can be forgiven:
Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God. Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God. (1 Cor. 6:9-11, NASB)
The prodigal teaching of Jesus shows forgiveness is possible for a saved person who wanders away from God into sexual immorality, etc. When he repented he got saved again, even though his sexual sin, etc. brought him to his spiritual death:
For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found. So they began to celebrate. (Luke 15:24)
NOTE: The father was GLAD to have him back! That is how God considers you too. So stop allowing the devil to torture your mind. If Peter had allowed the devil to discourage him and overwhelm him after he disowned Jesus and got saved again, he could have never been used in ministry as he was. That included his message on Pentecost and all through the first half of Acts. He also wrote 2 books of the bible, AFTER he got saved again. You must move on with your life.
True guilt from the Holy Spirit comes to the unforgiven, but if one repented there is no more conviction from God. The devil will keep reminding us of our failures, etc. of the past and never the times we helped people find salvation, etc. Please be alert and guard your thoughts. Be sure to read our material for new converts. It is loaded.
Ex. 22:16 centers on a woman losing her virginity and the consequences that would have on a future marriage. It does NOT say one is married to the person he/she is sexually immoral with. That is not the point of marriage. NOTE: David committed adultery with Bathsheba, but she didn’t become his wife at that point! Later, after her husband’s death she became his wife. Consequently, they were not married when joined sexually. You are not married to your ex boyfriend.
To eliminate your crushed spirit, get involved serving God. Get active DOING things to help others, especially in a spiritual way. Avoid all appearances of evil (1 Thess. 5:22). If you had done that, the situation with fantasies with that married man would not have occurred. Now you can learn from that. Cut off ALL contact with him. Guard yourself from similar situations. You are in an intense fight for your SOUL. You are battling for eternity. You can live above sin, if you do the right things. There are spiritual safeguards for you to act upon. Fill your mind with God’s word. Read the New Testament and memorize the scriptures, which the Holy Spirit makes special for you. Put his word into practice (Lk. 8:21). Treasure his word. It is food for your SOUL. As you draw near to God, he will draw near to you. Consider signing up for our internet church. It will help you, as it has many others. Remember to watch out for false guilt!