I grew up in church but never got serious about God till I was a teenager. That's when my parents started doing drugs. I ran to the church for support. In 2003 at a youth conference I accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior (although lordship wasn't being preached). I know my conversion was real. I received salvation and the Holy Spirit and immediately my life changed. I gave up my worldly friends and my worldly girlfriend. I stopped watching wicked things on tv (I eventually got rid of tv altogether), and I got rid of the Devil's music. My life was truly changed. When I was 18 God called me to preach. I know His calling was real. I know this as sure as I know the sky is blue. So nobody can ever tell me I wasn't really saved in the first place because I surely was.
So, rather than repent, I looked for ways to make the conviction go away. I started drinking and smoking pot, and that's when I finally got caught by the church (just a few leaders). I was removed as a bus captain and Sunday school teacher, and was no longer allowed to preach, but told that I should still sing in the choir, that God still loved me and I was still saved. For the most part the whole thing was kept secret. I could still come and pretend to be spiritual.
Marijuana eventually led me to a much worse drug ... crack cocaine. By this time, the girl (______ is her first name) and I had married. I got hooked on crack really bad. It's an expensive drug, and I squandered what little savings we had, but I still wanted more crack. I am not a homosexual and never was, but I prostituted myself to other men just to get money for the drug, and I pimped out my wife when I could find buyers. ALL THIS TIME I BELIEVED THAT IF I DIED I WOULD GO TO HEAVEN!!!!Then I met a man named Pastor ______.
I called him a heretic and told him it was him who wasn't saved because he didn't believe in grace. Well, my bad behaviors led me back to prison, and I reached out to that Pastor for help. In all reality he was the only one I could call. He began to visit with me and we argued about OSAS. He eventually asked me this question, “If you were wrong, would you really want to know it?” I said yes, and about two weeks later I received the book “The Believer's Conditional Security,” but I never even opened it while I was in jail. I was released again, and once again went back to my evil ways.
Then one night, after committing a homosexual act to get drug money, I saw the book lying there on the table. My dealer was on his way. I opened the book, and by God's mercy I opened to the page where Bro Corner explains the truth about John 10:27-30. Never before had I ever heard anyone tell me that John 10:28 was conditional. It literally scared the hell out of me. The fear of the Lord came upon me, because John 10:28 was the verse I always used to remind myself that I was still saved. I called my dealer and told him not to come and I spent that night reading about just where eternal security came from.
I read about John Calvin and the Synod of Dort. I continued with day-to-day activities such as work and eating, but every night for nearly the next week I read bro Corner's book. When I got to the end, and all my objections had been put to silence, I realized that I was NOT saved and that if I died I was going to spend eternity in Hell forever! I repented, and right there and then God changed my life. I want to make something clear though: This was the second time I got saved. When I got saved again, it was no different than the first time. The only difference is that this time I had more of the fear of the Lord, and I new the truth (and still do) about the doctrine of demons, eternal security.
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